i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
