It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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