I skipped work to stalk him.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
