I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
