dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
