i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
