I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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