i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
