Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
