Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
