Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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