Where did you get a picture of my penis
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
