We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
