my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize