You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
