this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
