happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
