Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
