Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
