All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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