so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
