you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
