Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
