gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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