i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
