we have officially lost it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
