smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
