I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
