so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
