If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
