OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
