Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
