Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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