He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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