I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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