i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
