Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
