well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
