well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize