He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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