i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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