I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got chris browned last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize