Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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