KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
