after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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