I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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