So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
