dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize