I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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