I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
