super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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