ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
