I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone signed my nipple.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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