Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
