Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
