Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
