I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Houston, we have a blender
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
