So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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