So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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