I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
