Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
