yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
