I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize