Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
