Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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