Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
